Right Said Ted.

If you go down to the woods today, or rather this Saturday 10th July, you're sure of a big surprise, although actually we're kind of ruining the surprise element right now... But anyway, Saturday is, apparently, Teddy Bears' Picnic Day. So if you have a particularly cherished teddy then why not spend the day feeding him quail's eggs and Pouilly-Fuissé in one of London's many lovely parks?

If you don't have a teddy however, or don't much care for him any more, then you might be keen to hear that only bloody Whoopi Goldberg is set to make her West End debut, Charles Saatchi has donated his whole gallery to the nation, and an amazing theatre show called Seven Sins has opened in a church.

We've been busy too, hanging out with Kelis and Perez Hilton, and dreaming up ideas for West End shows we'd like to see. Mean Girls: The Musical anyone? Err, hell yes!

Thursday 8th

Acclaimed sketch troupe the Penny Dreadfuls hit the Greenwich Theatre this week with their brand new show. The trio's previous shows, the Aeneas Faversham trilogy and The Never Man, have played to critical acclaim across the country.

Go and see this brilliantly off-the-wall group before they hit the big time and prices go through the roof!

Friday 9th

An exhibition of John Kenny's wonderful photography this July at Capital Culture. Kenny visits remote African tribes - for this show, across Ethiopia and Namibia - and photographs the people he sees there. Without flash or studio equipment Kenny's images are startling. They grab your attention immediately with their simple clarity whilst the

French music duo Air perform live tonight at Somerset House as part of the live outdoor summer series.

The electronica outfit have so far released nine albums within their 13 year career. Get your tickets now as this event is sure to be a sell-out.

Deep.end brings you LDN, a celebration of dance music in London, in the fantastic little-known venue that is Bocking Street Warehouse. Fully equipped with it's own superb Funktion One soundsystem, it's the perfect place for an all out rave in a unique industrial setting. The line-up too is well thought out, bringing you only the best in house

Saturday 10th

This sounds like it could be incredible. Post-punk scenester, performance artist and one-woman politicised shock troupe Linder (also Morrissey's BFF) is putting on a thirteen-hour performance piece at Chisenhale Gallery this July. In collaboration with Stuart McCallum (of The Cinematic Orchestra) and celebrated fashion designer Richard Nicoll

Adding to the murky layers of rumour and myth that surround the life and works of Edgar Allan Poe, Canadian company Catalyst Theatre re-imagine events in the author's life and weave them into a musical fable. Nevermore promises to be a fittingly enigmatic tribute to a man whose fevered imagination has inspired everything from the films of Tim

Slash Dot returns and they continue to bring you some mighty fine underground techno tunes. They fly in legendary duo Regis and Function from Sandwell District and CLR's latest signing, Traversable Wormhole. Setting things up nicely for their guests are residents, Chris Standford and XI.

Sunday 11th

Cult comedy favourite and Brass Eye star Kevin Eldon is going to the Fringe for the first time this year, and he's previewing his brand-new show at the Hen and Chickens tonight. There'll be talking, singing, acting and plenty of titting about.

Monday 12th

In 2009, Dave Gorman set off on a unique national tour. The intention: to cycle over 1500 miles across Britain in 33 days, with a gig on each night.

Now demand for the show has been getting so high that he's decided to keep performing it, but this time without the cycling. He's obviously getting lazy.

Tonight, the comedian and star of BBC2's Genius records his stand-up extravaganza for DVD live at the Bloomsbury.

Tuesday 13th

A synth pop act hailing from Brighton, Mirrors recall the dark, broody but reliably poppy electro pop of '80s stalwarts like OMD, Depeche Mode and Tubeway Army.

Tonight they visit White Heat, supported by amazing New York post-punks The Hundred In The Hands for what promises to be one of the coolest electro gigs of 2010.

Can you think of any better way to spend a mid-week summer's evening than with Alex Horne, Jonny Sweet and a free BBQ? We can't. The delightful Perrier-nominated word nerd and the young and equally sharp Eddie winner join forces tonight at the Invisible Dot to present previews of their forthcoming Fringe shows.

Grab yourself a sausage and a cocktail in the delightful Cuban bar next door and settle in for a night of unbeatable comedy from two of the circuit's best names.

Wednesday 14th

Four writers compete in an edge of your seat read-off at the Literary Death Match. This July, LDM mark their Concrete debut with and '80s theme and an after-party. Sweet!

As usual the writers will be judged by reputable bookish folk but this time there are a few celebrity judges thrown in to determine who takes home the crown.

This event is free for Literary Death Match subscribers.

Thursday 15th

An ambitious summer time group show at Edel Assanti.

In association with Jotta, there's work on show across a range of media by five contemporary artists, including the ever wonderful Noemie Goudal, whose work is complex, layered and laden with latent drama.

Plus, the exhibition's got a baffling title, which is always a bonus.

Penned in 1835 by the revolutionary Georg Buchner at the age of only 21, Danton's Death is a contender for the best political tragedy ever written.

Danton is tormented by his part in the killings during the French Revolution. His fate is in the hands of his former friend Robespierre. Once comrades ready to change the world, Robespierre and Danton find themselves political rivals: one a guillotine happy ideological puritan, the other preaching compromise.

Friday 16th

London's biggest and most flamboyant festival, Lovebox has been making Londoners smile for seven years now. Organised in association with the mighty Groove Armada, the festival always secures stellar headliners (Manu Chao, Jamiroquai, Sly and The Family Stone) as well as attracting some of the capital's most cutting edge dance music promoters to host areas. In previous years the secretsundaze and mulletover day raves were the place to get your fix of sunshine beats.

Headlined by East London's finest Dizzee Rascal, the first day also promises sets from the Noisettes, Bombay Bicycle Club and Toddla T among others. Make sure you check out hotly tipped newcomers Joy Orbison.

A two-day nudity extravaganza at the Wellcome Collection this July - but no, it's not quite what you're thinking.

Rather than a naturist festival, Skin - Exposed is an exploration of the social, cultural, artistic, religious, secual and literary connotations of nudity. So there's a variety of readings, talks and discussions from leading figures in these different fields.

The event accompanies Wellcome's current exhibition Skin, which looks at, um, skin, the largest organ of the human body. Alongside early medical drawings, anatomical models and artefacts are works by a whole host of different artists, including the likes of Damien Hirst and Helen Chadwick.

Jazzie B has become a household name in England, he's won awards aplenty and is co-founder of Soul II Soul. Jazzie has mixed tracks by the likes of James Brown, Ziggy Marley, Destiny's Child and even shared a dressing room with Sammy Davis Jnr. So tonight, this man takes over Paradise with his soulful, reggae tunes.

For £3 it's a steal, so wear your grooving shoes and get ready to shake a tail feather or two.

Saturday 17th

Interactive art installation meets record store for one Saturday only this July at the Hayward.

Artists great and small are invited to drop in their records, cassettes and specially produced mix-tapes in the morning - these will be registered and then everyone can turn up, give 'em a listen and buy whatever they fancy (with a 25% cut going to the Hayward).

Alongside the record store are a host of talks, screenings, performances and a book launch - the store closes at 6pm, but the fun times continue on the Dan Graham Pavilion Terrace until 8pm.

Ah splendid, 'tis time once more for the Chap Olympiad. "Polish the Oxfords, Fonzworth, and press the flannels. It's time for a challenge - Chap-style."

Yes, for one afternoon only, Bedford Square Gardens is overrun with elaborately moustachioed fellows in Harris tweed and heavy Tricker's brogues. Bounders and cads and gentlefolk of all persuasions will compete for louche glory in a number of hotly contested events.

There's cucumber sandwich discus, moustache wrestling ("have at you, sir!"), Necktie Kwon-Do, umbrella jousting and a Martini knockout relay. I say there.

Pack your bespoke shooting stick, some quails' eggs and your finest sporting monocle, and show them all a jolly good what for.

Wizard!

The Glitch Mob are the West Coast crew who have brought glitch hop to the mainstream. Searingly heavy, thunderous hip hop beats which vibrate the very fabric of your being. They will be playing live tunes from their debut album 'Drink The Sea'.

Put simply, they are awesome. Tonight they are joined by London glitch madman Your Niece, Subsource, the one like Vadim and Kidkanevil.

By stroke of luck Mad Professor has just been added to the line-up because his June 19th show was cancelled. The dub to dubstep live show begins at 10pm tonight.

Sunday 18th

A fusion of dance, music and film come together at Shoreditch Festival. World in Motion Day sees spoken word artist Polarbear take to the stage. There'll be a truck load of circus acts, a Brazilian folk band, drummers, a workshop with Blue Boy Entertainment and loads more.

Plus, it's right round the corner from Spoonfed HQ - interesting huh?