Welcome to Earth.

Independence Day. So apparently it’s not just one of the best movies ever, but also some kind of national holiday across the big pond in the good old US of A. This Sunday is the Fourth of July, and all those excitable Americanos will be a-whoopin’ and a-holerin’ in celebration of the Declaration of Independence. Yee-ha!

To mark the occasion, a couple of major A-list actors are arriving in the West End this week, like Niles from Frasier and the mega-awesome Jeff Goldblum.

In other news, unkempt Australian rock comic Tim Minchin is embarking on an orchestra tour, there's a Feast of Conversation in some 2012 shipping containers and Alex Horne is attempting to become the world's oldest man.

We also interviewed oddball hip hop fellow kidkanevil and Glaswegian indie types Veronica Falls. Which is all rather fun, no?

Thursday 1st

Together We Can on Water is a DIY promotion that provides the opportunity for international bands to play in London bringing their music to a new audience. Tonight's show is no different with hotly tipped Canadian band Elephant Stone headlining the event. The band is the brain child of Rishi Dhir, founder of The High Dials and often

Run by Off The Kerb Productions (one of the leading comedy agencies in the UK), it's no wonder Laughing Boy books some of the best comedians on the circuit to perform at their gigs. Now it's expanded to Notting Hill, with a monthly gig in the cosy Elgin pub on Ladbroke Grove. Tonight's line-up includes recent Musical Comedy Award winners

Friday 2nd

What with email, Twitter, Facebook and all manner of other computer communication things rather taking over the world, the future looks a little bleak for the humble letter. Why bother sending a letter or postcard to one person when you could write on someone's wall and let everyone read how bloody great your holiday is? Well, to launch Posted

A slice of archetypal '50s Americana at the Old Truman Brewery for two nights this July. Literary gadabout Damian Barr has teamed up with Volvo to create Starlite - two evenings of retro-tastic, old time good time glamourama. It's basically an urban drive-in cinema. Sit in a nice wee Volvo (they're all provided), order popcorn and a cocktail

Playing a special show alongside Parisian visual artist Jamie Harley, ethereal Canadian folktronica duo Memoryhouse are visiting The Social tonight. A strange but crazily brilliant blend of synthetic drums, moaning keys and woozy reverb-laden guitars, held together by haunting vocals that echo through the haze like whispers through a forest, this

Saturday 3rd

Amazing! 2009 saw fashion designer/knitting supremo Kate Jenkins filling Rebecca Hossack Gallery with all manner of wonderfully detailed crocheted café delicacies: like sardines on toast, a Full English, pizza and a jar of anchovies. Even ketchup and a pot of 'stitchberry' jam! Now, this July, she's upping her game. Come Dine with Kate sees

Jonathan Delafield Cook does exquisite charcoal drawings of a variety of different objects - cows and flowers among them,. But for this solo show at Houldsworth, he's turned his attention to birds, and with stunning results. Arrangements of feathers, nests and trees full of birds are depicted with a staggering attention to detail and an odd

Phonica invite Versatile's I:Cube, Instra:mental and Dexter to Corsica studios for a night of deep debauched noise-making. Dexter, the legendary Dutch techno fiend will be performing a live set so brace yourselves for the most cutting edge beats to hit the London streets for donkey's years. Phonica always deliver the goods.

Sunday 4th

Three-time Emmy Award nominated Rob Schneider is an American comedy institution. He was a regular on Saturday Night Live and has starred in numerous feature films, most memorably Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. For two nights only at the Southbank's Udderbelly Festival, Schneider will bring his internationally-renowned brand of comedy to our shores.

Monday 5th

Jeff Goldblum is in this! Jeff Goldblum off of Jurassic Park and The Fly and The Fly II and other stuff but those movies in particular were ace.

The Prisoner of Second Avenue is a black comedy about Mel and Edna Edison. It's the 1970s, Mel has lost is job and sunk into a funk about his failure to provide for his family during an economic downturn and with the trails and tribulations sending him into a spin.

Stoic Edna played by a much underrated Mercedes Ruehl, picks up the pieces as Mel heads for a meltdown. So basically, Jeff Goldblum losing it on stage to a stellar script by Neil Simon.

Tuesday 6th

Royston Cockfosters and his motley crew are setting off on a perilous trek into Africa on a zany comedy quest for a magic stone, the Jewel de Magica!

And who should be in possession of such a find? Only The Great Gerardo and his beautiful assistant Dastardina Dangle. Also after the stone is Queen Po of the Oom Poo Poo tribe who happens to be a criminally insane underwear manufacturer. Mmmmmm wacky.

Wednesday 7th

David Hirson's La Bete is a comedic ode to Moliere where ego meets art. Elomire (note the anagram)is a high-brown dramatist completely in love with theatre and Valere (Mark Rylance) is a street clown in love with himself. Fickle Princess Conti (Joanna Lumley) quickly gets bored of Elomire's troupe leaving him and Valere in a fight for artistic survival.

You'll recognise David Hyde-Pierce from his hilarious protrayal of the besotted Niles on Fraser; and Mark Rylance has been stunning crowds with his performance in Jerusalem at Apollo Theatre.

After its West End run, La Bete will enjoy the bright lights of Broadway.

Thursday 8th

Acclaimed sketch troupe the Penny Dreadfuls hit the Greenwich Theatre this week with their brand new show. The trio's previous shows, the Aeneas Faversham trilogy and The Never Man, have played to critical acclaim across the country.

Go and see this brilliantly off-the-wall group before they hit the big time and prices go through the roof!

Friday 9th

An exhibition of John Kenny's wonderful photography this July at Capital Culture.

Kenny visits remote African tribes - for this show, across Ethiopia and Namibia - and photographs the people he sees there.

Without flash or studio equipment Kenny's images are startling. They grab your attention immediately with their simple clarity whilst the intricate detail and personalities of these people holds your gaze for hours.

French music duo Air perform tonight live tonight at Somerset House as part of the live outdoor summer series.

The electronica outfit have so far released nine albums within their 13 year career. Get your tickets now as this event is sure to be a sell-out.

Deep.end brings you LDN, a celebration of dance music in London, in the fantastic little-known venue that is Bocking Street Warehouse. Fully equipped with it's own superb Funktion One soundsystem, it's the perfect place for an all out rave in a unique industrial setting.

The line-up too is well thought out, bringing you only the best in house, deep house, disco and underground house. Lee Foss of Wolf + Lamb, Spencer Parker of Buzzin' Fly, Alex Arnout of Dogmatik Records, Samuel Bellisimo of LoOP: All these are hugely important artists from prestigious house labels being brought together under one roof.

This is a must.

Sunday 11th

Cult comedy favourite and Brass Eye star Kevin Eldon is going to the Fringe for the first time this year, and he's previewing his brand-new show at the Hen and Chickens tonight. There'll be talking, singing, acting and plenty of titting about.

Saturday 10th

This sounds like it could be incredible. Post-punk scenester, performance artist and one-woman politicised shock troupe Linder (also Morrissey's BFF) is putting on a thirteen-hour performance piece at Chisenhale Gallery this July. In collaboration with Stuart McCallum (of The Cinematic Orchestra) and celebrated fashion designer Richard Nicoll

Adding to the murky layers of rumour and myth that surround the life and works of Edgar Allan Poe, Canadian company Catalyst Theatre re-imagine events in the author's life and weave them into a musical fable. Nevermore promises to be a fittingly enigmatic tribute to a man whose fevered imagination has inspired everything from the films of Tim

Slash Dot returns and they continue to bring you some mighty fine underground techno tunes. They fly in legendary duo Regis and Function from Sandwell District and CLR's latest signing, Traversable Wormhole. Setting things up nicely for their guests are residents, Chris Standford and XI.