Mega Soccer Goal Time

It's coming home. It's coming home. It's coming home. Football's coming home. Yes, the World Cup kicks off in earnest tomorrow, which can only mean one thing: Football. London is celebrating with assorted shenanigans like the World Cup Carnival in Shepherd's Bush and the Afro Cup Festival at Rich Mix. But if you just want to watch it all in a pub, we've compiled a rather handy list of places to watch the World Cup.

If football's not really your thing, how about the wicked Surreal House at the Barbican, or the Royal Academy's massive Summer Exhibition, or perhaps the greatest dinner party of all time?

Maybe you want 90% off deals in London? Or perhaps you just want to go to Chew the Fat this Saturday, or, bizarrely, a hip hop version of One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. Seriously though...

Thursday 10th

The Surreal House, a maze of darkly mysterious and intriguing chambers designed by the acclaimed young architects Carmody Groake, opens its doors this June. What lies inside is an unnerving concotion of the playful, the spooky and the enchanting. Move through haunted rooms, furnished and inspired by a plethora of architects and film makers

Friday 11th

Three cheers for Magic and Medicine. Tonight they have British techno genius James Holden at the top of the bill. Head of Border Community, Holden is a much in demand remixer amongst pop stars. But it's his productions and cerebral approach to techno which really single him out. Magic and Medicine present a one night only showcase of his

Saturday 12th

Based on the true story of a Liverpool FC fanatic who travelled to Turkey to watch a football match and ended up sitting next to the womanising Italian PM.

Berlusconi's sense of humour doesn't last the full 90 minutes, and he starts getting a bit tetchy - though that may be an understatement.

Hold onto your hats, and all other superfulous accessories for that matter, this latest mind blowing animatronic/electronic night of art installation and music will knock your socks off. The creative genuises at The Smirnoff Co. have come up with Kreatures, an electric, unforgettable mix of music and machines, which comes to Corsica Studios for

Sunday 13th

Scott Joplin's opera set in America's deep south of the early 20th century comes to Greenwich theatre courtesy of Pegasus Opera Company who have previously lit up the stage at Sadler's Wells. Treemonisha is an educated former slave who tries to free her community from their stifling superstition and ignorance. She is met with the hostility and

Alistair McDowall presents Some Stories with the critically-acclaimed theatre company Cheap Seats.

This collection of four interconnected stories focuses on childhood and its place in our adult lives. Expect some great storytelling and a varied show put together by four young directors.

Monday 14th

The Smith Westerns are from Chicago, and as far as we can tell are either named after a tourist trinket manufacturer in Tacoma or a chain of honkytonk restaurants in south England. Maybe both.

Playing woozy, freak - out inducing garage pop, these guys are the sort of band who are so cool they kind of make us want to cry a little bit.

Tuesday 15th

This sounds pretty darned great. A fully immersive sound/light installation by the wonderful United Visual Artists at one of our favourite places in London, the Wapping Project.

A massive industrial space with a hint of something dark afoot (and a rather splendid restaurant) the Wapping Project plays host this June and July to a musical composition/art installation entitled Chorus.

Various motorised pendulums - each with a light and a speaker - play out a three-part abstract composition by Mira Calix. Should be awesome.

Anyone not already familiar with Sebastian Horsley, look away now. Soho dandy, below-average artist, sex columnist, and Comme des Garçons model. He's swum with sharks, slept with a thousand prostitutes, been addicted to crack, been addicted to smack, invented a shirt at Turnbull & Asser, won a million and lost a million, and, most famously, crucified himself in the Philippines while Sarah Lucas filmed it.

His autobiography Dandy in the Underworld was a triumph, with the shallow brilliance of Bolan, Bowie, Wilde, and Crisp all polished into one. And now it's available in theatre-form. Written by Tim Fountain (who's previously written studies of Quentin Crisp and Julie Birchill) and starring Milo Twomey, this is the highlight of the theatre season. Probably.

The man himself said, "I have been trying for sometime to develop a lifestyle that doesn't require my presence. It seems I have finally been successful."

Wednesday 16th

Caribou has been playing sell out shows across Europe, following the release of 'Swim' earlier this year. The excitement is suitably high for this show that follows a mass of critical acclaim for both the record and his live performances.

Daniel Snaith aka Caribou manages to straddle the best of both indie and electronica, for a sound that has pre-dated most of his peers in his relatively long career.

Thursday 17th

The worlds best (and perhaps only) cricket concept super group come to play the Queen Elizabeth Hall as part of Richard Thompson's Meltdown Festival.

The sum of Neil Hannon (The Divine Comedy) and Thomas Walsh (Pugwash), The Duckworth Lewis Method are named after the system by which cricket matches are decided in the event of rain delays. Interesting huh? Expect songs abouut WG Grace's waistline, batting collapses and the magical Shane Warne.

Howzat? Not out, I'm afraid, it pitched outside leg. Right you are.

Friday 18th

In this poignant adventure story for children, Naz's world is changing; he has to escape his country and begin his own journey, one very different to the Sinbad stories his father reads to him.

Faced with mountains, seas, soldiers and wolves, 10 year old Naz must survive on his own and discover the power of storytelling.

Star of The Mighty Boosh and Snuff Box, Rich Fulcher brings his new comic creation Eleanor The Tour Whore to Udderbelly for 'comedy, music, f***ing and filth mongering'.

A classic roadie 'whore' Eleanor (who claims to make Neil 'Young' again and put the 'Wood' in Woodstock) tells all through poetry, song, interviews, dance and confessional monologues.

The launch party for what will undoubtedly be the UK hip hop album of 2010. Skitz should need no introduction. His style of reggae and dub influenced hip hop with Rodney P spitting over the top is the sound of London.

An all star line-up includes Shortee Blitz, Dynamite MC, and Spin Doctor. Big!

Saturday 19th

Saturday 19th June sees the launch of FORM. Although a new kid on the musical block, this fresh young upstart brings you the kind of savvy format you'd expect from a night much older in years. A truly bespoke night, it will concentrate on quality programming, production, ambience and and the kind of line ups you rarely see outside of festivals these days. Sound wise each event will be non genre specific...

The main bulk of the evening will revolve around the house and techno spectrum. But be prepared to hear everything from electronica, funk, hiphop, disco, mashup, ska and all that goes inbetween.

Colony come correct at the Rhythm for more heads down sub-bass shenanigans courtesy of three bright stars representing London, Berlin and Bristol respectively.

Topping the bill is the mighty Paul Rose aka Scuba, aka SCB. The man has been bossing the techno-dubstep hinterland via his peerless Sub:stance night at Berghain. Support comes from London's Tom Green aka rockwell and Bristol's Luke Standing aka Furesshu.

Sunday 20th

A bizarre battle of clowns and undertakers! A gypsy family in a big circus top to celebrate a wedding only the undertakers want to hold a funeral there too.

Expect an array of live music, plenty of clowning, tractors, horses and corpses to boot.