Vote for Pedro

Election. Election. Election. Never have so many in the field of human endeavour owed so few to so much and so often and so on. And that is what this great country is about, and has been and will be, onwards into the future. Amen.

Yes, today you get to vote for a fellow in a suit. One wears red ties, one yellow, and one sometimes wears a jumper instead of a jacket. It's all rather exciting, and to celebrate we've compiled an entertaining wee list of the very best things to do on Election Night.

There's also some funny political happenings tonight at the Bethnal Green Working Men's Club as well as an online art auction/election (in which Clegg and Cameron are currently tied first).

Most intriguing perhaps is artist Mark McGowan who today begins the first of 10,000 prostrations in front of a big photo of David Cameron outside 10 Downing Street. A genuine gesture or a post-modern wheeze? Perhaps both.

On which note, they announced the Turner Prize shortlist on Tuesday. Splendid.

Thursday 6th

Signed to Jagjaguwar, the State side taste maker label, Lightning Dust come to play an intimate gig at The Lexington before playing Matt Groening's ATP festival. An awesome modern form of Americana that has been taking the music world by storm over the other side of the pond. Support comes from a band that have been doing much of the same over

Friday 7th

Days before the controversial death of playwright Christopher Marlowe, his friends William Shakespeare, Thomas Watson and Thomas Walsingham, attempt to save their comrade.

Expect action, intrigue and murder in this epic drama told against plague ridden London in 1593.

The Z-Shed pull together the cream of the electronic crop for your skanking pleasure. They are getting heavy across two rooms this time, with Starkey kick starting his much hyped album 'Ear Drums and Black Holes', ghetto rudeness from Chicago's Merderbot, Brooklyn's Dre Skull showing his face and general high class filth from a massive

"She says: 'Let's have children.' I know this is a historic moment. I must respond like a man. So I ignore her."

Based on the excellent Sunday Times column, Dad Rules is a hilarious, feel-good mix of stand-up and stories about fatherhood from Perrier nominee Andrew Clover.

Saturday 8th

Works by two contemporary artists on show this May at one of Spoonfed's favourite places in London, Kaleid Editions. On display are prints and an artist's book by Katherine Jones, whose work possesses an eerie lost-in-the-forest atmosphere, alongside a range of work by Victoria Browne - across artist's books, video projection and polymergravure

Human Error are back and bring with them headliner Louis La Roche. Louis La Roche is spinning with a vengeance; '70s and '80s inspired house tunes funk up any room of people. His love of disco and soul is evident in his music mix of mashup mayhem. He introduces his influences to a new generation of party people, who are in serious need of an

Sunday 9th

The Residence has moved! Previously housed in the Verger's Cottage, The Residence was the glamorous hub of the Hackney Wick art scene. But with 2012 came bulldozers and blocks of flats, and gallery owner Ingrid Z has upped sticks and relocated to Victoria Park Road. The new venue is, by all accounts (well, Ingrid's press release), a rather

Monday 10th

Derren Brown obviously loves the live experience. Enigma sees him bend minds and baffle sceptics yet again.

His shows are unforgettable, exciting and bewildering, and mounted with the panache and stage presence of a latter-day Carter the Great.

Trickery, mind reading, showmanship, thrilling audience participation and some absolutely impossible tricks. We know how he does it: magic.

Tuesday 11th

Hailing from Portland, Oregon, Grails are sort of half-instrumental rock band, half-satanic rite.

Making atmospheric, psychedelic soundscapes, laden with dark imagery, and punctuated by the occasional spring-reverb dream sequence, a Grails show is more of a cosmic adventure than an actual gig.

Wednesday 12th

In recent years London and Berlin have got closer and closer in terms of the relationship the two cities share together. Although, to be honest, most of it's one-way traffic, as every vaguely creative Londoner ups sticks to Berlin in search of cheap studio space, freedom and parties.

But this May Idea Generation Gallery is hosting the first in a two-part exhibition that explores and consolidates the creative relationship betwen artists and designers in each city.

BANK in Berlin and INVENTORY Studio in London curate a show made up of a chain of ideas, batted back and forth between the continents by 20 different designers. And it all started with a hot air balloon...

Following a host of feverishly received performances over the past two years, ingenious Dutch comedian Hans Teeuwen returns to London with his cracking show, 'Smooth and Painful'.

It's hard to describe a Teeuwan show as there is never one strict genre running through it. As the man himself says: "It's 80% nonsense and absurdity, and 20% something else - either semi-autobiographical or controversial or political". Patrons of tonight's performance at the Bloomsbury Theatre are as likely to be treated to a subversive lesson in current affairs as they are to witness a sado-Dadaist jazz cabaret - A genuinely unique talent not to be missed.

Thursday 13th

Launched in 2008 to celebrate East London in all its ostensibly gritty glory, Concrete and Glass is a 16 day festival of live music and arty happenings taking place across 18 music venues, a load of galleries and over 30 'alternative sites' - i.e. disused shops, warehouses and the like.

Although the East does seem to spend a lot of time celebrating itself these days, the first installment of Concrete and Glass was a triumph of creativity, experimentalism and fun.

World-renowned electronic live party-starters Booka Shade land at Koko this May for their first live show since 2008.

Their fifth studio album 'More' will be released on 3rd May.

Read our interview with Booka Shade.

Friday 14th

Behind every great man there's an even greater, wiser woman, and the same line of comparison works for artists too. Sort of. Since the muse is a bit passe, this latest run of paired exhibitions at bearspace will team one established artist with an emerging one to create an exhibition.

The two The Assistant shows will see Maria Fusco and then Gordon Cheung send artists Kate Pickering and Blue Curry a list of rules and instructions one month before exhibition opening. It will then be down to the aspiring artists to roll up their sleeves and churn out a touch of their creative magic.

Master of the one-liner; be it silly, clever or punny, Milton Jones brings his latest show to Southbank's Udderbelly Festival.

With a penchant for daft jumpers and bizarre props, this multi award-winning stand-up can make an hour of short gags fly by.

Saturday 15th

Ever fancied yourself as something of a flâneur? Ever starved yourself in a garret, stopped traffic due to your headwear, or gilded your pet tortoise and covered it in so many jewels it actually died? For all you budding Baudelaires or hopeful Huysmanss out there, this is the party for you.

From the same people who put together The Blitz Party and Prohibition comes La Belle Epoque, a wonderfully detailed evocation of 19th century Paris and all who dallied in her gaudy, gilded, smoke-filled majesty.

With trapeze artists, "expert absintheurs" (tough job, huh), poetry, music and high society shenanigans, this looks like being one of the best parties in an age.

Don a paint-spattered smock, corset or white tie and join the befuddled revellers of a better, more magical age. Amazing!

Colony return to the Russian with another banger. Headlined by Bristolian Al Tourettes who is 'Mr. In Demand' at the moment. Joining him and taking it deep is Chicago's M50 a.k.a Area. This is his first trip to the capital so yet another exclusive for the Colony crew, good stuff.

Expect deep forward thinking, house, techno, dubstep, D 'n' B and innovative, intimate revelry.

The Canal Party rocked West London last Summer - and tonight they are back with their first of the year. They welcome secretsundaze DJ par excellence James Priestley to see in the summer season, joining the residents outside on the house terrace. This is a brilliant, popular party which will sell out quickly so the smart money's on advance tickets

Sunday 16th

The influential krautrock institution Faust plays one of their rare performances tonight at the South London venue.

Dadaist in their attitude and furiously free in their music, those avant-garde agitators belong to the German "kosmische" royal family of the '70s along with Can or Gong. Not to be missed.