6th February 2012

gigs clubbing art comedy theatre blog competitions

Illustration by Julie Khan

God Rest Ye Already

Ahh Christmas. Christmas is undoubtedly a good thing – what with holidays, presents, parties and mulled wine – and it's now nearly upon us. But one thing that tends to divide opinion at this splendid, festive time of year is carol singers. To some, they're the embodiment of all that is good and right about Christmas – celebrating the birth of Jesus, rejoicing in the glory of God, and singing out a few classic tunes that even the least accomplished singer can still feel able to take part in.

And that last bit is perhaps the objection held by others. Not all carol singers are good carol singers. Some of them are even downright terrible. But hey, get over it. For those of us who aren’t particularly religious, carols provide a pleasant reminder of what Christmas used to be about – its origins and its history. Plus, few things can beat a mass singalong to Adeste Fideles.

Friday 11th

You wouldn't expect just the normal kind of Christmas events at maverick booksellers (yes, it is kind of an oxymoron) Amuti 23 now would you? Good. Because this isn't the usual Christmas show. The clue comes in the full title - 51 Gifts of Meaning and Value for a Post-Crisis Culture to Welcome in an Era of Neo-Decadent Revolt. Bizarre huh? But

A spectacular production of the piratical panto, which has been a family favourite for centuries, in an acclaimed new adaptation by Karen Louise Hebden. This Christmas, the entire Rose Theatre will be transformed into a piratical wonderland, with a ship, an island and all manner of hidden treasures. The show is a boisterous, sing-along adventure

Multi-award winning Scotsman Phil Kay brings his special brand of no hands, no stabilisers comedy to the Soho Theatre. You never know what you're going to get with a Kay set due to his incredible improvisation skills and boundless energy. It might be a song about someone's salmon pink jumper or he might read you something funny from the Metro that

Saturday 12th

Fevered Sleep, the acclaimed production company specialising in dance pieces for younger audiences, bring a touch of festive magic to the Young Vic with a blend of storytelling, adventure and dance for kids aged 5 to 7. The show is a promenade performance that invites children and their families to actually enter the enchanted forest. These

'Best medium sized festival' of 2008, The Secret Garden Party cordially demands your presence aboard the wildest ocean liner ever to set sail. The HMS Ulysses (aka The Troxy) will tonight play host to a wild party with a nautical twist. Crewed by your indomitable Head Gardeners, first class passengers will be collected from an impromptu port

Swap-a-Rama is a genius idea. Come wearing the most bizarre clothes you can find, go home wearing a mix of the wardrobes of the random strangers you met, got pissed with and stripped in front of. The rules are simple. Whenever the klaxon sounds, you must swap clothes with the person next to you. Spend your evening cross-dressing, skirt-slinging

Halo are back! They've been scouring the city for the perfect place and they think they may have found it in the dazzling Vauxhall club Lightbox. The have a killer line up headed up by sleazy disco house outfit Crazy P. They are playing live as well as hitting the decks. They're joined by Scottish tech house impresarios Sandeman and Mr Dickie

Sunday 13th

It feels like ages since we last saw Stewart Lee. Which is a good thing because it was getting unhealthy and we felt a bit like stalkers. Recently, he's been touring the country with his new show If You Prefer A Milder Comedian Please Ask For One and he's finishing up with a lengthy London run at the Leicester Square Theatre. Phew! Just as we were

You'd probably have to be older than 20 to remember this, but way back when the ZX Spectrum was the only computer you could buy, there was this game called Barbarian. Boiled down to its constituent parts, this game basically involved a muscled warrior wearing nothing but a pair of fur pants and chopping people's heads off with a massive sword.

Spoken Ink bring you another festive feast of atmospheric twenty-first century story-telling - all occurring in a yurt in Hyde Park. It's Lewis Carrol Christmas this time, with mulled wine, mince pies, sheepskin rugs and stories to delight and inspire. Expect a massive Medieval harp, a giant beaver, and an angry bellman on a desperate hunt for a

Monday 14th

The jury is very much still out when it comes to weighing up the pros and cons of Crossrail. As well as the much-publicised demolition of the Astoria, another great loss is that of the Arts Gallery - a space on Davies Street that has exhibited work by the likes of Peter Doig, Gavin Turk, Tom Hunter and Sarah Lucas as well as emerging artists from across London's arts universities.

The positive that comes out of this, however, is the final show at the gallery - an all-encompassing installation by contemporary artist Mike Ballard. Ballard is covering every part of the gallery - walls, floor, celing... - with a kind of wacky potted art history.

One of our all time favourite bands, Sunn O))) return to the UK to play from their new album 'Monoliths and Dimensions', supported by the equally excellent OM.

Simply pronounced Sun, this drone metal act incorporate ambient rock, black metal and white-noise to make some of the scariest music since Goblin.

Read Dom's interview with Sun O))).

Tuesday 15th

Is it art, is it comedy, is it theatre? You decide as the Perrier-winner and BAFTA-nominated artist/comedian Kim Noble takes you on a journey towards his death.

Over several dates in December and January, Noble will guide audiences through his plans for departing Planet Earth, ensuring that his legacy is looked after by writing audience members into his legally binding Last Will and Testament, providing them with guides to surviving terrorist plots on the underground and, perhaps most touching of all, containers of his sperm will be available to female audience members in a bid to populate the world with genius once he is dead.

Philadelphian singer songwriter Kurt Vile and his band the Violators take the stage at the Lexington tonight to celebrate the release of his new album 'Childish Prodigy'.

With a sound that has been compared to Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty, this is a must for anyone who at least owns one flannel shirt.

Wednesday 16th

Tonight is a very special Knock2Bag Christmas show with gorgeous ventriloquist Nina Conti (Christopher Guest approved) Angelos Epithemiou from Vic and Bob's Shooting Stars, the wondrous mute Boy With Tape On His Face, Writers Guild award winner Colin Hoult, up-and-coming new stand-up Joe Lycett, the one and only Barry from Watford and a top secret special guest. Hosted by Eddie 'Best Newcomer' nominee 2009, Carl Donnelly.

Surf's up psych fiends! It may be the season of good will and everything, but that doesn't mean you can't party like it's high summer at this night of freaky, surfed-up hi-jinks that costs exactly no pounds to enjoy.

Headlined by the incredible You're Smiling Now But We'll All Turn Into Demons who have to be one of the best bands no-one's heard of, support comes from garage-bashers The Spivs and amazing surf/punk psychos Sex Beet.

Thursday 17th

Comedy On The Hill is a shabby chic comedy night held in the Humble Theatre beneath the Prince Edward pub in Bayswater.

Held every last Thursday of the month, it puts on all kinds of comedy from stand-up to sketch, musical and dance acts, combining both well-known and new comedians on the circuit. Tonight is an extra special Christmas show for no extra cost, with awesome comedy, mince pies and a prize for person wearing the best Christmas jumper!

Jack & the Beanstalk at Lyric Hammersmith provides a modern slant on the classic Chirstmas panto with a heroic if guileless Jack, magic beans, golden eggs, singing harps and a giant!

They always do things in style at this well loved, adventurous theatre and the festive panto is no different. Expect some surprises along with the songs and audience participation. Recommended.

Friday 18th

Ultra Panto at its best. From the people that brought you the rapping genie ('Aladdin' 2008) comes 'Dick Whittington'. Expect lots of audience participation, innuendo, singing and dancing.

One of Spoonfed's favourite venues, for many reasons including the consistently great Christmas pantomimes, the Rosemary Branch Theatre is a great place to start (or indeed wave goodbye to) the festive season.

Even though they're the band everyone loves to hate, like it or not Gallows have done more for the UK hardcore scene than your cut-and-paste straight edge fanzine could ever have.

Playing tight-as-hell melodic hardcore, this London mob combine the big riffage of US stalwarts like Champion and Comeback Kid with booze, cups of tea and a uniquely British sense of nihilistic rage.

Tonight the guys celebrate their last show of 2009 with a Vice-sponsored show at the Scrutton Street Warehouse in the East End. Nottingham garage-punk waifs Lovvers provide the support.

Deadly Rhythm presents a night of experimental dubstep, future garage and glitch-hoppy techno. Skream and Joker are huge right now, and for good reason: they've pioneered a forward-thinking approach to a genre that was on the verge of becoming repetitive and uninspired.

Meanwhile, Ikonika stands out as one of the few (perhaps the only) female producer on the urban circuit, with dark, experimental productions that almost cross over into IDM territory. D-Bridge similarly constructs multi-layered beats that challenge the listener.

A night of pop to sugar coat your sensibilities. The brains behind this tasty little bash wanted a setting where they could pogo to pop in a non-meat-market, vomit-inducing setting - so they created their own.

It's Christmas themed (seeing as it's Christmas) and you get in for the bargain price of £4 if you're dressed as such.

Santa will be in his ghetto dishing out presents and attitude and the wonderful Mittens will be presenting Cheese Bingo (listen to cheese, win cheese, eat cheese - what's not to like?)

Saturday 19th

Haha, imagine old queeny Francis Bacon as a communist! Doesn't quite ring true does it? Well the title of this small exhibition comes from an entry in the visitors' book from a Bacon exhibition in Moscow in 1988, just as Russia was opening up to the outside world.

From this starting point the show looks at the concept of British art abroad, often in unusual or politically tense scenarios. A fascinating little insight.

The Bearcat is a popular comedy club held every Saturday night out in the Twickenham sticks. It always has quality controlled line-ups and a few big names pop their heads in every now and then too.

Tonight is their Christmas party, meaning there is a special treat in store for you in the form of free-wheeling Superman Terry Alderton and guests.

It's a triple header of house at the Horse and Groom tonight with Spin Out Records, Dropout and This Is Not A Rave.

All three labels are flying high after gigs at Ministry, flyaway shows at Ibiza and a host of names racking up the hits in the charts both mainstream and underground. The resident DJs from each one will be spinning some liquid house, funk and breakbeat in a guilty pleasure. A fittingly big deal for the last Saturday before Christmas.

Sunday 20th

Whilst much graffiti work can seem a little flat - concerned with bold impact rather than sustaining interest or emotional engagement - this new exhibition looks a little different.

The Print House presents a solo show for contemporary graffiti artist Josh Sutterby, whose attention to character details sets him well apart from the massed.

"I've always been interested," Josh says, "in the strange facial expressions that people will pull when they express an emotion". The results more than vindicate this long-held interest.

If only we could live in the topsy-turvy world of Male Bonding. A three-piece from the flourishing Dalston DIY scene, they have become something of a fixture on the North London warehouse circuit ever since they ripped up that insane house party thing called Rage in 2008.

Specialising in violently sprawling dance punk, Male Bonding sort of fit in with the whole No Age/Times New Viking thing, but differ in their sheer, unrelenting rhythmical intensity. Playing music that's like Sonic Youth stuck in some throbbing, cow-bell-soaked temporal loop, they've also become one of the first British bands to sign legendary US imprint Subpop in years.

Supported tonight by the sheering art rock of Teen Shiekhs and the C86 bliss of Veronica Falls, get ready for some stage-dives and high-fives.