Happy Birthday Charlie!

Whoever came up with this idea really does deserve some praise. Even though the RCA Secret exhibition and sale has now been going 16 years, it still strikes us a a brilliant idea. A load of contemporary artists produce postcard-sized works of art and you can go along and buy one for only £40. The brilliance is that you don't know who's done which

Rowena Chiu curates an exhibition of contemporary art, exploring notions of balance and the liminal. The show - at Eleven Spitalfields - features work across a broad range of media by six contemporary artists, including Henry Krokatsis and David Spero.

Margins, space, and the space between spaces: a cerebral and challenging investigation.

Renowned for his fiercely funny and honest observations, Louis C.K.'s exploration of life destroys politically correct images of marriage, children, sex and race with thoughts we have all had, but would rarely admit. After a three week sell-out run at the Soho Theatre last year, he returns to London this week with a brand new show. One of the most

Bar25 is - or was - a landmark Berlin venue. Perched on the bank of the river Spree, the wooden bar began life as a small afterhours haunt which quickly steamrolled as the tranquil setting and superloco parties gathered notoriety. Tonight they come to London to recreate the vibe for one night only. They engage the extravagant showcase of art

A big old extravaganza of Polish culture this November, taking place at The Vinyl Factory on, appropriately enough, Poland Street, in Soho.

The Polish Cultural Institute in association with Wodka Wyborowa present all manner of art, film, design, architecture and music. There's books, music, poker lessons, vodka... okrzyki, na zdrowie!

Blood Orange is the new project from trendsetter and zeitgeist-moulder Dev Hynes, formerly of Test Icicles and Lightspeed Champion. Early demos suggest a move away from country-tinged indie into more rock 'n' roll-type territory. But, as ever, it's impossible to pigeonhole the chameleon-like Dev. Tonight though gives you the chance to see their

DDD celebrate their birthday tonight by theming it around this year's biggest loss - Michael Jackson. Ripperton returns tonight, and is joined by Ekkhaus (2020Vision) plus residents Simon Baker and Morell keep the vibes dark and dirty. In room two, legendary live disco outfit Crazy P join Graeme Clark (The Revenge), Ryan Hope and Ste Roberts

Good grief. Look at this for a line up.

Squarepusher on the decks with a special rave and bass set. Simian Mobile Disco spinning their upfront bass-face electro, Plaid live, Andrew Weatherall. It's going to be frickin sick I tell you.

Happy Birthday Wang! Here's to ten years of awesome tunes. (And defending the dance underground).

A short West End run for the hit nostalgia musical which was a critical and audience smash in Stratford earlier in the year. This run stars world famous Marilyn lookalike and friend of Spoonfed Suzie Kennedy. An intriguing new musical by Bonnie Greer, expanded from her original radio play about a meeting between Marilyn Monroe and Ella Fitzgerald

An extremely fast punk band featuring members of Napalm Death, Melvins and Brutal Truth, Venomous Concept play intense, loud hardcore influenced by Discharge and GISM.

Hell, even the name itself is a play on Poison Idea.

Every now and again you get to hear about something that sounds absolutely brilliant. Something like Masque of the Red Death perhaps or Tunnel 228 - such events may not always work, but they always make you wish you'd been there.

Anyway, HALL looks like one such event. Organised by collaborative performance company 19;29, HALL takes place in a secret North London location, a building that was once municipal, then military, now nothing much.

Before attending you have to download a special MP3 audioguide - there's an exclusive soundtrack by Hessle Audio and script by writer-in-residence Lowri Jenkins.

At the Comedy Store's 30 year anniversary in May, ahead of Jack Dee, Jimmy Carr, Alan Carr, Phill Jupitus and Paul Merton, Terry Alderton took the headline spot. It may have come as a surprise to some but the ex-Southend footballer has come into his own of late, elevating himself from a run-of-the-mill observational comedian to something really quite special.

His act - a combination of improvisation, impressions, interaction and set pieces; is like no other act on the circuit and no two shows are ever the same. Hailed 'comedy's best kept secret', he's unlikely to be after this tour, which comes to London for one night only tonight.

Self-proclaimed progressive folksters Akron Family are a goat away from being a yodeling band. Their phatic warbling is faraway yet powerful, and demands a fair bit of foot tapping at the very least. Their delicate finger picking melodies are mixed with choral harmonies and exotic eastern sounds.

Never ones to shy away from the taboo subjects, they tackle the big issues with their lyrics, whilst still managing not to sound like a preacher. Well worth a watch if you're in town as it's not often they roam the streets of the big smoke.

Falling Down with Laughter is held every Tuesday in Belushi's bar basement in Borough High Street.

This Tuesday is experimental night where anything goes from rap to poetry, off-the-wall sketches and songs. Poet, savant and 2009 Edinburgh Comedy Award winner Tim Key fronts this gig with stellar support in the shape of Peep Show's Dobby (Isy Suttie), awesome character comedian Pippa Evans, the multi-talented Bridget Christie, musical stand-up James Sherwood, surreal sketch duo Two Episodes of MASH and all round cool dude, Marcel Lucont.

Where is painting now today? By which question of course, we mean not to search for a locale, but for a purpose or direction. The Stuckists are still banging the drum for figurativity and now even YBA cow-slicer Damien Hirst has got in on this painting lark with his show at the Wallace Collection.

So is painting back, and if so in what form? Well back in July, Standpoint showed work that it described as 'emergent figuration', something that has been bubbling around for a while now (see Nadine Feinson as our favourite example of an artist doing something similar).

The whores of Amsterdam are taking up residence in London this winter, and not just anywhere in London, but the bloody National Gallery of all places.

But before you get your knickers all in a twist, it's actually art, and not real prostitutes at all. For shame!

The installation - entitled The Hoerengracht - was produced by Amercian artists Ed and Nancy Kienholz, and was one of the last major pieces completed by the pair before Ed's death in 1994.

Jessica Hynes (her out of Spaced) leads the cast in this sharp new comedy about nostalgia, friendship and growing old disgracefully.

Kate has rented a country retreat for a decadent New Year's Eve with her oldest, bestest mates. But is putting a group of stressed-out thirtysomethings in a house with a shedload of booze and drugs a good idea? No surprise to say it all goes a bit pear-shaped and the friends end up making some pretty unexpected resolutions.

Purple Ronnie's Stand-Up Poetry Club have secured some of the most exciting names on the spoken word scene to appear so far, from Scroobius Pip to Polarbear. Tonight, lauded poet and mandolin player John Hegley will be joined by social surrealist Attila the Stockbroker and 4Talent award-winner Luke Wright.

Running on the third Thursday of the month until December, these gigs are supported by Purple Ronnie, who also began life as a stage act twenty years ago. A must for any spoken word enthusiasts.

Having spent the last two years defending the option to face the world alone, This Guy At Night sees the misanthropic Jon Richardson exploring the notion that the human race may be weaker and less able now (individually and globally) to deal with problems than it has at any point in its history.

This show earned Richardson his Edinburgh Comedy Award nomination in August and it has been hailed by many as his best yet; as he vents spleen at everything from the BNP to the London Underground in his uniquely endearing, yet grumpy way.

Deadfish presents Mowgli, a London-based Italian whose hip-hop-infused bassline productions and remixes have garnered props from fellow scenesters such as Crookers, Brodinski, AC Slater, Riva Starr and Lee Mortimer.

Behind the decks, Mowgli is a little more stripped down than the likes of Crookers or Hervé, but he's no less danceable.

Email ellie@deadfish-audio.com to get on the requisite guest-list for free entry.

There looks to be something of Gerhard Richter in Anthony Green's disconcerting take on photorealism. His work forces you to reassess notions of reality and perception, but with respect to outmoded pieces of household technology as opposed to Richter's more traditional still-life motifs. 

He has a theory-heavy but potentially fascinating solo show at Limoncello this winter.

Until 19.12.09.

Told By An Idiot present a masterful version of Michael Faber's haunting short story about a couple of kids growing up in the Arctic wastes with their scientist parents.

Life is one big adventure, from husky racing to snow rolling, until their mother takes to their bed and the twins suddenly wish for nothing more than to stop time in its tracks.

So you thought punk was just for the safety pin pierced, leather clad spike wielding clones of the '70s? Think again, as Calories show how punk has evolved, blending together some down tempo beats, punky vocals and Mogwai-esque instrumentals.

Though they have tinges of emo and skate in there, you can forgive them due to their refreshing sound. They're the kind of band you listen to when you want to listen to pop punk, but don't want to look like a 14 year old skater again.

This summer, Scott Grooves' appearance at Fabric marked the first time in a over a decade that the Detroit veteran had played these shores.

Well, now he's back as East Village have bagged him for a one-off exclusive. The man's studio work and diverse productions have made an impact on record crates the world over. Tonight's set is sure to be a wonderfully unique journey.

They're back! After pottering over to Berlin to put on an exhibition entitled Britain's Rubbish, the folks from Decima have come back to London for their annual Christmas art fair.

For one day (and one night) they're taking over the George Tavern in Stepney to present all manner of festive fun times. During the day, there's an art fair with all sorts of cool stuff on sale - Decima t-shirts, La Bouche magazines, hats, jewellery, books and artist editions by the likes of Gavin Turk, Gilbert & George, Stephen Gill and Bob & Roberta Smith.

As the sun goes down, it's time for a bit of a P.A.R.T.Y. There's arty things courtesy of Ingrid Z and David C West and live music from the wonderfully named Beastellabeast.

But we're most looking forward to the Decima Nativity Play - with Decima's track record, this could be pretty hilarious.

After Be Your Own Pet comes Turbo Fruits, Jonas Stein's new band since the dissolution of the former. Apart from a talent for rubbish names, the frontman does also have a knack for writing a rambunctious punk rock song, and will be barraging his way through them tonight.

The vocals are surprisingly heartfelt, and despite their heavy guitars and punishing drum beats they still manage to deliver woeful melodies about love and loss.

Colony returns after a well-earned break as tonight they celebrate a year of throwing delicious parties! Happy Birthday Colony!

They bring with them their trademark heavy dosage of techno, dubstep, drum 'n' bass and electronica culled from the deepest recesses of the dance music underground.  The irrepressible Perc (Kompakt, Drumcode, CLR and Ovum) dishes a dark selection of stripped-back machine music in the main room. Kasra brings the crunchy DnB while Drop Dynamite take charge in the basement. 

Parisian producer Jackson Fourgeaud is Jackson and his Computer Band.

A rough diamond in Warp's glittering arsenal, his debut is cited by the likes of Justice, Simian Mobile Disco and SebastiAn as an influence.

Justin Robertson, Queen of batty bass, Filthy Dukes and the Snap Crackle boys complete the bill.

Josie Long's jolly Sunday night romp returns with more silliness and games at the Hackney Empire.

Tonight's theme is 'The Mysteries of the Deep' - a deep sea adventure themed night with Pappy's Fun Club and some very special guests.

Poor little Petrushka, the puppet without strings, bends and breaks the rules so he can run away from his evil puppet master and into the arms of his ballerina love.

A sweet story inspired by a classic Russian circus tale uses all kinds of puppets (glove, rod, marionette, and more) to tell its story.

Another triumph from the Little Angel Theatre. These shows are for children but accompanying parents will be stupefied by the advances in puppet technology since the days of Punch and Judy.