Flower Power

'Listening Post' is split into seven separate scenes, each one displaying uncensored samples of text lifted from live internet chatrooms. Constantly shifting, this work highlights both the beauty and the spontaneously sprawling aspects of the internet, and, indeed, of much of the modern world.

A festive slice of social satire at the Orange Tree this Christmas sees a revival of Henry Arthur Jones' social-climbing farce, which is sadly as fresh and relevant today as it was in 1913. It belongs to a rich tradition of class-obsessed satires which includes Spoonfed favourites To The Manor Born and Keeping Up Appearances. Mary Winchello and her husband are at the social pinnacle of Warkinstall life, but when their arch rival Thomas Bodworth gets a knighthood their position is threatened. There's obviously nothing for it but to throw a party, at which Lady Bodsworth will make a sitting target and during which hilarity will of course, ensue.

A major new show at the Design Museum examining the development of contemporary design through the contributions of seven important cities. From the 1851 Great Exhibition in London to Adolf Loos in Vienna in 1908, the Bauhaus in Dessau in 1928 and Le Corbusier's Paris of '36. Then on to Charles and Ray Eames in LA in 1949, Milan in 1957 and Tokyo in '87. Then, full circle, back to our fair capital, which is once again the centre of design - or so we like to think. There's loads of amazing stuff in this exhibition: furniture, fashion, prints and industrial objects. With work by William Morris, Eileen Gray, Achille Castiglioni and good old Issey Miyake, this is set to be one of the major shows of the year.

Hmmm. Leslie Grantham returns to panto this Christmas as Captain Hook in the Beck's celebrity-studded version of Peter Pan. Hopefully there'll be no repeats of his online finger-sucking exploits behind the scenes... he could do himself a nasty injury with that hook. (Although it's alleged he dressed up as the self-same character during the original cyber-tryst.) Also starring Toby Hull and Emu off CiTV, this promises to be a silly, camp spectacle with plenty of bluer material directed over the kids heads. Classic panto fare.

Just a bit wacky, or totally brilliant? A bit of both, we think. This winter The Wapping Project is celebrating the Season, darling: the Great British countryside, tweeds and twelve-bores, mallards, polo, debs and racing. And good god, are they going the whole hog! There's a hundred bird houses filling a tree, an installation of porcelain deer heads, a lily pond created by the Viscountess of Harewood, and Fredrikson Stallard's Veuve Cliquot-commissioned 'Portrait'.

The Barbie Stand-Up show might sound like a load of dumb blondes mincing in front of a mic but you'd be wrong -  this is beautiful girls being funny and often giving shockingly honest insights into to their careers and life in London. Comediennes come from all kinds of backgrounds such as banking, lap-dancing, glamour-modelling and fashion-modelling so you can expect some colourful stories!

Team Spoonfed recently decided, we really need a pole in the office. For fitness, and entertainment value. That aside, the team at Polestars are the pros when it comes to pole dancing, burlesque and can can lessons. The pole dancing taster offers you a glimpse of what the world of spinning, twisting and arching of backs is all about. Not only for the gentlemen's clubs, women worldwide are embracing the empowerment of the pole.

Gunther von Hagens' 3rd Body Worlds exhibition kicks off its world tour at the O2 Arena, with the usual accompanying gawps, gasps and mild controversy. On display are a whole host of human bodies, stripped of their skin so that you can view the internal organs, and then arranged in a range of poses.

The centre-piece of the Donmar's T.S.Eliot festival is this extended run for his haunting tale about a young man returning to his ancestral home for his mother's birthday. He confides a dark secret from the outside world to his aunt, only to learn the family is itself haunted by demons. Spooky, poetic and completely gripping, The Family Reunion is among Eliot's best loved plays and should be well suited to the dark, brooding space at the Donmar.

Kevin Spacey assumes his Director's Hat once again at the Old Vic for this brand new, contemporary satire/thriller about a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist who suddenly falls foul of the authorities and finds himself facing a dilemma of his own creation, in front of the Supreme Court no less. It's Bush's America and suddenly the truth seeking, liberty-defending traditions which saw Ben Kritzler acclaimed by his peers and the public, have gotten him tagged a dangerous insurrectionist.

Featuring a nocturnal art salon, live performance and truly unique electronic soundscapes, terminal fashionistas TescoDisco aim to make Wednesdays a special sonic and visual experience. With a different theme each month; different curators will showcase works that upholds the night's manifesto: the creator being a true artist; producing works of honesty, passion and intellectual integrity.

It's big AND it's clever. Fables, facts and funnies about our favourite four-letter friends. This show went down incredibly well at Edinburgh this year and won the 'Three Weeks Editors' Award' for Top 10 Edinburgh Fringe Experiences.

From Chesney Hawkes to Ini Kamoze, Onederland every Thursday at Trafik celebrates the glorious music of one hit wonders. Expect a smart selection of rare groov oddities, disco classics and obscure indie pop at this switched-on, laid back bar.

Thank XXXX for Funny Business brings you four of the London circuit's best comedians on one billing. These people will have you laughing so hard, you''ll think that you've been subjected to the same gas the Joker uses in Batman.

Edward Burtynsky's highly detailed and razor sharp photography has garnered him an international reputation. His works generally focus on places where human activity interrupts the existence of nature: quarries, industrial refineries and shipyards, for example. This exhibition at Flowers East consists of images of mines in Western Australia: the balance between human detritus and vast blank nature is an extraordinary one.

The Duchess of Pork and Al Dente, the 'naked stuntmen' behind Sugarlow, take over at the Royal Vauxhall for a night of well chosen music including '60s girl groups, '70s disco, '80s NY no wave, '90s indie and up-to-date electro. DJ duo Readers Wifes are resident guests and being as it's in the tavern, you can expect all manner of surprise cabaret, guest singers and high camp goings on.

Now in its 23rd year, the Chuckle Club is the second oldest comedy club in London, next to the Comedy Store. Held in the LSE student bar, it consequently has the cheapest drinks you will find at a comedy club and it attracts some of the biggest comedians on the circuit too. Eddie Izzard and Al Murray have appeared in the past and recent billings include Robin Ince, Milton Jones, Andrew Lawrence and Scott Capurro. For the 23rd Anniversary Special, comedy legends Stewart Lee and Simon Munnery will be doing a set supported by king of the one-liners - Milton Jones.

After a couple of years throwing parties around London, ManMakeMusic settles down for the winter at The Last Days of Decadence.  The night has a reputation for forward-thinking, bass-heavy music and an open-minded attitude to programming, two things carried over to the new residency. Over coming months you'll be able to see a variety of top-class DJs, all in an intimate space. December's guest is the brilliant Kode9, proprietor of the Hyperdub label and undoubtedly one of London's most interesting producers.

Grab your Jack Daniels wife beater and that bottle of Southern Comfort and head down to the Phoenix if your feeling a bit of rootin-tootin country action. Playing some of the best Southern Rock and country tunes ever to crawl out of Nashville, this is more fun than a Motorhead convention.

Charles Darwin's voyage aboard HMS Beagle was one of the most significant journeys undertaken in recent times. It was via the Beaagle that Darwin was able to visit the Galapagos Islands and from there begin to form the basis of what became his theory of evolution. 2009 represents 200 years since Darwin's birth, and that - combined with the Richard Dawkins-backed atheist bus advertising - means that there has never been a better time to reacquaint yourself with Darwin's life and works. Fortunately the Natural History Museum is giving you the opportunity to do exactly that, with major new exhibition that looks at his Darwin's life and works and the continued impact of his theories today.

Gosh, they're a greedy bunch over at Transition Gallery. Apparently 'Too Much Is Not Enough' - I mean, will they never be satisfied? Probably not. Anyway, 'Too Much Is Not Enough' is the title of their first exhibition of 2009 and features work by five contemporary artists, including Sarah Doyle and Cathy Lomax. It's all about exploring fame, fans and excess, apparently. Sounds like a day in the Spoonfed offices...

Hussein Chalayan is one of the major figures in the contemporary fashion world, his name synonymous with wacky conceptualism, technological wizardry and unparalleled innovativity. His best known pieces include, in S/S 08, a dress featuring over 200 moving lasers, and, in A/W 07, another dress covered in Swarovski crystals and over 15,000 flickering LEDs.

Two wise-cracking kids pick on a new arrival in New York City in a short, nasty and brutal period piece from the late-'60s that still rings true today. Murph and Joe are anti-heroes, bastards in fact, but the abuse that they heap on the unfortunate Gupta exactly dissects the timeless prejudices of western society. In 1968, the play won writer Israel Horovitz an Obie for Best Play, and a young Al Pacino got Best Actor in his breakthrough role.

Fresh from a successful tour of America, The Unexpected Items descend upon the Canal Cafe to present an hour of sketches, monologues and musical revue. Expect an evening of comedy fun with a decidedly British twang across a knee tremblingly wide range of subject matter. Come along, laugh at the jokes, get the last tube home. Or go out, then maybe the nightbus.

Carl Heap returns to the National with another child-friendly adaptation of Shakespeare, this time slimming down the Scottish play to just over an hour and rendering it suitable for kids. (Note the daytime, school-group timing of the shows.)

5000 points of Eldar against the dark lords of beyond the universe? The battle-lines are formed and the only question is: who wants it more? Quake beneath the might of the space-cannon and tremble before a horde of baying orcs. Warhammer arrives at the Stoke Newington Library every first Tuesday of the month so bring your favourite D20 and prepare for war.