Flower Power

If you're one of those people who's just never really 'got' the whole Julian Opie thing then we sympathise. OK, so that Blur 'Best Of' cover was pretty cool, but a whole career of making people look like stick-men - surely anybody could do it? Well yes, sort of.

But the general consensus is that he's a pretty big deal - a kind of transitional figure between Patrick Caulfield and the YBAs - and there's an exhibition of new work at Alan Cristea this month, which people are getting fairly excited about.

There's nine life-size works depicting pole-dancer Shahnoza (who has featured in Opie's work several times previously). The works are a combination of black silk-screen prints and flocking on white acrylic panels and continue the artist's stripped-down (ho ho) aesthetic.

These works kind of look a bit like those exercise instruction manuals that show you how to do sit-ups without hurting your back, but for strippers and not people with belly fat to lose. Erotic? No. Challenging? Not really. But there's something intriguing about the anonymity of Opie's identikit female.

Until 15.11.08.

Can innocent children's author Rufus Hambleden unravel the mystery behind the Tower Bridge construction site? Can he save us from the evil machinations of the sinister entrepreneur Lucius Frost....?

Aeneas Faversham Forever introduces us to The Ostrea Holdings company, led by the dashingly attractive but ominous Lucius Frost, with untoward interest in the construction of Tower Bridge. Lucius drags our hero Rufus deep within the inescapable underworld of Victorian London, ensnaring him in a whirlwind of murder, intrigue and the occult revealing a terrible secret that could threaten the Empire...

The new hour-long play, is the first production of its kind for Victorian sketch group The Penny Dreadfuls, usually known for filling venues across the UK with their short and wonderfully acted comic sketches set in Dickensian times.

This show has already won 'Best Comedy Show' at the Brighton Festival Awards in May and was the biggest-selling and best-reviewed sketch show at the Edinburgh Festival in August.

The play is funny from start to finish and each of the trio whips through a whole host of characters with impressive acting skills. Humphrey Ker is born to play the stereotypical creepy villain, David Reed is perfect as wet toff David Hambleden and if it wasn't for his prominent facial hair, Thom Tuck could almost be a woman he plays the part of Hambleden's demure young wife so well.

New Zealand post-punk hopefuls Cut Off Your Hands stop by the Monto Water Rats tonight as they tour in support of their single 'Expectations'.

Well turned out and energetic on stage, they're certainly destined for big things in chart-land, but we can't shake the feeling that they sound a little to like Hot Hot Heat for comfort.

Like some angular-haired visitor from a sketch-show of the near future, Ben Esser is force feeding us all heaped spoonfuls of modernity from a comically big spoon at the ICA tonight.

Despite looking like a cross between Cliff Richards and Glen Danzig, Esser makes off-kilter electro pop that never fails to astonish and surprise. Oh, and you'll definitely find yourself dancing to 'headlock'.

In art world, as much as in music world, the quest is always on for 'the next big thing'. Everybody is desperate to get there first. This means you get lots of rubbish art championed by rubbish galleries because they think they're doing something really new, different, alternative, edgy or whatever.

Not interested? Well check the Spoonfed Culture Editor's inbox - it's full to bursting with press releases for the worst bits of old dross you could possibly call art and hawk to Saatchi. Have some sympathy people!

Anyway, some guys are actually really good at spotting emerging talent and two of them (Zavier Ellis and Simon Rumley) have curated a show called 'The Future Can Wait' at the Old Truman Brewery this week.

It's the project's second year and has work by 48 contemporary artists including a couple of big names (Mark McGowan, Gordon Cheung) alongside some of the cream of emerging talent (Nadine Feinson, Gavin Nolan).

This is guaranteed to be really brilliant. You might even see 'the next big thing'...

15-19.10.08.

Now, we don't enthuse wildly about the ballet here at Spoonfed, or not very often, and this is mainly because we are pig ignorant about it. However we have seen this troupe (in Russia, lucky old us!) and for ten quid you've got a great chance to enjoy ballet at it's very, very best. Then if you still don't understand or enjoy it at least no one can accuse you of not trying.

Russia and arguably the world's finest ballet troupe, the Marinsky ballet (formerly the Kirov, based in St Petersburg) continue their UK appearance schedule with two special programmes at Sadler's Wells.

The first, interestingly, focuses on British choreographer William Forsythe and features a set of pas de deux. That's dances for two people, philistines. The second is a version of Alexei Ratmansky's Pierrot Lunaire.

Canadian indie collective The Dears play in the grand surroundings of Porchester Hall tonight, plugging their fourth album 'Missiles', released in four days time.

Another one of the great acts to come out of the fertile Montreal scene (Arcade Fire, Broken Social Scene, The Besnard Lakes), their last album 'Gang of Losers' was a triumph.

They must be good for Porchester Hall to take notice; recent shows here have included the majestic sounds of Arcade Fire and Elbow. Tonight will undoubtedly be another wonderful night in Paddington.

Nicola Albon and Sophie Pelham's show about bi-polar disorder was a surprise hit at this year's Edinburgh Fringe and now returns to their hometown for a short run at this well-loved fringe theatre.

Bi-polar disorder has many famous sufferers (Winston Churchill, Natalie Portman etc) but is bandied around by too many people as an excuse for erratic behaviour. The clinical condition is actually a maze of black depression, sudden illumination and creativity, and the propensity to violence and destruction. It requires a lot of medication and treatment can provide instant relief, or just as suddenly, stop working.

A quarter of the UK will suffer mental problems at some point in their life. This short, funny monologue is an informative and touching tour of what it's like being clinically depressed, prone to rage, and in danger of losing your friends even though you are still you.

Irruppt return with pure party vibes following a break to recharge the batteries.

Deekline is the star guest, supplying rude-as UK garage – presumably you remember 'I don't smoke the reefer'? Superfilth!!! residents Arrow!!!, Oli DAB and Robin support, along with Para-Beats (playing bassline house) and Trouble Vision's Sold Golid.

Stuntcock host the second room, with residents joined by guest Jus' Fab, of Snap Crackle & Pop.

Snap, Crackle and Pop - the forward thinking club night where getting sweaty is mandatory and a love of filthy electro and all things glitchy is a definite prerequisite - have come a long way since their inception 2 years ago. They take over an entire car park tonight to flex their skills and show us just how great they really are..

To fill it with beats, pieces and joy they've got two of Dirtybirds brightest stars: American beat pusher Justin Martin and Swedish house don Style of Eye playing his only London set this year. Mowgli and Peter Pixzel (Wetyourself), will be providing the back up.

Seriously now.

Come start your weekend with East London's greatest dancey-noisey discotheque.

Tonight's looking to be one that everyone will remember as it features a visit from from everyone's favourite noise kids Trencher, whose music will literally melt your head like that Nazi at the end of Raiders of the Lost Arc.

This sounds absolutely brilliant! It's a two-day non-stop interview event taking place in Frank Gehry's funny chopped-up-Ikea-meets-Jenga Serpentine Pavilion.

It's kind of like a congress for writers, philosophers, artists, architects, scientists and academics to outline their thoughts on the world today and the direction in which we are or ought to be heading.

It's chock-a-block with top names, including (apparently) Yoko Ono, Brian Eno, Gilbert & George and novelist/theorist Tom McCarthy. Tickets may be pricey but this looks totally worth it.

18-19.10.08.

Word-of-mouth breaks night C64 teams up with Miami bass night Bounce to celebrate the collective birthdays of brilliant producer Wizard and Wide Records label boss Simon Fullerton.

C64 have been off the radar for a while now and it's good to see the balls-to-the-wall breakers back in the show. Any party they do is infallibly rocking - and when you add the Hardcore Beats boys Screwface and Ollywood, plus Finger Lickin's Slyde and the simply awesome breaks duo Deekline and Wizard you get a very happy dancefloor indeed.

In room two Wide Records and Bounce are providing an alternate infusion of hip hop, Miami bass, big beat and d'n'b courtesy of The Freestylers DJ Aston and many more.

All proceeds go to the Teenage Cancer Trust and the minimum donation is a fiver - incredible value for a night of this stature.

Following his sold-out London runs at the Soho and Arts Theatres, Dutch comedian Hans Teeuwen, (recipient of a 2008 Chortle Award) returns to London with his phenomenally surreal, critically-acclaimed show.

Silverman is not your average female comedian.  No whining about men, no basic observations and certainly no 'girl-next-door' routine.  She has built a career tackling controversial topics head on.  Race, religion and sex are all dump-tackled; even poor old Martin Luther King gets it in the neck. 

She has trashed several celebrities on stage and at various award ceremonies.  It's not every day you get to see Paris Hilton's reaction to a Paris Hilton knob gag.  Is she really prejudiced or just trying to bust society's taboos? Whichever you decide it's likely to be a bumpy ride.  This is as X-rated as comedy gets.

LA-based shoegazers play their only UK headline show, following their tour with British Sea Power.

In support are Peckham's finest paisley undergrounders The Lea Shores.

For those of us who know The London Film Festival, who've experienced the magic of a night screening at Somerset House or in Trafalgar Square, it is an abstract

It looks like the Royal Academy is finally trying to move away from its slightly fusty Prince-Charles-showing-his-watercolours kind of image.

In association with GlaxoSmithKline (ooh edgy) the RA presents a season of multimedia contemporary art featuring a host of emerging and established

Michael McIntyre is taking his critically acclaimed show back on tour in the UK this autumn and playing two more nights at the Hammersmith Apollo on the 19th and 27th September. A hugely popular comic, his high-octane observations and anecdotes never fail to hit the mark.

An entire Twenty Years of Solid Steel? I can hardly believe it.

Started by Coldcut on the then-groundbreaking pirate station Kiss FM, Solid Steel has continued to dish up some of the most innovative, eclectic music, always mixed with immense panache.

The Icelandic post-rockers play a pair of nights at Alexandra Palace, as they celebrate the success of their biggest album yet (and we'll have to translate this one) 'With a Buzz in our Ears We Play Endlessly'.

A chance to get a sneak preview of Edward Scissorhands before it heads up to Islington for a Christmas residency at Sadler's Wells.

He's done it again. Matthew Bourne's reinvention of Edward Burton's tragic hero Edward Scissorhands was a huge critical and commercial hit on Broadway, and arrives this winter as a festive treat for London. Dark, delightful and a great alternative to a saccharine panto, this is another triumph from the world's most commercially savvy ballet producer.