Flower Power

Your last chance to catch Doug Stanhope, the legendary American comic. He is an unsettling, uninhibited, incendiary no-holds-barred comedian who displays scant respect for any personal, moral, social or sexual boundaries. If you liked Bill Hicks you will love Stanhope.

He is a raging, vitriolic, viciously coruscating critic of the stupidity of our social and political systems and the moronic saps who sustain it. Don't take your Mum

Sheffield synth hardcore merchants celebrate the release of their new record with a typical night of ear shredding at the Old Blue Last.

Nuneaton based dance punks Mirror! Mirror! are in support.

Mark Watson's new show All The Thoughts I've Had Since I Was Born is a little deceiving (it's actually taken from a self-help book) - it actually revolves round a health scare he had last year and the subsequent doctor's advice about relaxing more - easier said than done when you're as easily irritated as Watson is.

He is not however a downbeat comedian - he manages to speak enthusiastically about the petty things that annoy him and has a brilliant talent for weaving colourful stories with his thick Welsh accent. Having sold-out the enormous Pleasance Dome at the Fringe this year, Watson has made the move to the big time and deservedly so because he is an engaging, witty and charismatic performer you can't fail to love

An ultra-modern debut for one of the most ancient of operas, Francesco Cavalli's 1651 baroque epic La Calisto. Despite being one of the oldest coherent operas produced in Italy, this story has never graced Covent Garden before, perhaps because it is a straightforward tale of sex and seduction, with the gods abusing their powers to try and trick virgins into bed.

This production will be a calendar highlight for opera fans on the strength of the music alone, with wonderful baroque passages and arias performed by a fine cast and backed by the Orchestra of the Age of Enlightenment, all under the baton of Ivor Bolton.

The production itself is an ultra-modern vision in nu-rave spandex with disco backdrops

4900 colours eh? I can only think of about twelve, tops. But then I'm no artist. Gerhard Richter is though, and new work the celebrated German painter is on show this Autumn at the Serpentine.

Richter has produced a work entitled 4900 Colours, a sequence of brightly coloured squares arranged in a grid. And for this exhibition he has reconfigured the work into a new arrangement especially for the Serpentine

Alan McGee's, Dan Devines' and Chris Wakes' weekly night of post punk and rock has attracted some pretty big names in the past, and Death Disco remains a show stopping showcase of cutting edge bands.

They've had allsorts in before, from the Libertines (who namechecked the night in 'Don't Look Back Into The Sun') to a whole load of nobodies you'll never have heard of, but whatever the standard, you'll be hard pressed not to enjoy these nights

The Laurel Collective launch their new single 'International Love Affair' at the Boudoir tonight, as they continue their steady rise up the musical hierarchy.

They've also got up-and-coming popster Esser as a support act, and a special guest promised. Should be a good'un.

Expect all flavours of disco to pulse from the newly minted sound-system at The Last Days of decadance, thanks to promoters Be joining forces with And Now Hear This.

Along with genuinely good guests each week, residents David H and John Power give you everything from cosmic workouts and Italo relics to orchestral anthems.

In some ways it's hard to believe that Tenderpixel has been going a year already: it feels like only yesterday that we rocked up to the grand opening. And yet it's also hard to believe that it's only being going a year, so much do they seem to have achieved in such a short space of time.

Anyway, a year it is, and this month - quite rightly - they're celebrating. There's new work by a host of the artists who've exhibited at the gallery over the year, including Sunshine Frere & Jenny Pickett, Eric Ayotte and Sungfeel Yun. Make sure to ask about Hannah Westwood's hidden wall drawing. You won't be able to see it, but it's cool that it's there

Czech dramatist Vaclav Havel's first play in 18 years, Odchazen premiered in Prague in May 2008 to standing ovations and rave reviews. Now, the play - translated by Paul Wilson - comes to London's Orange Tree Theatre.

Leaving tells of Chancellor Rieger's last days in office and his reluctance to leave his state villa. Amid political wranglings, an infatuated student, endless press visits, and a sprawling extended family, Riegler becomes something of a Lear-like figure: alienated, confused and dispossessed

Twitch from Optimo DJs a screening of disco legend Arthur Russell's biopic Wild Combination which features a bit of face time with the director. The classically trained Russell is revered by fans of the ’70s New York scene, not only for his angular, left-field disco compositions, but also his haunting acoustic songwriting. Throw a tragic and fascinating personal life into the mix and it’s clear where his iconic reputation comes from.

Should be the shit

Braindrop return for another huge mash-up at Jacks, featuring a bus-load of the most rinsing DJs they can find, plus party bags, visuals, balloon stomping and a general festival atmosphere.

Prepare for a bass-heavy trip through jungle, drum 'n' bass, dubstep, techno, breaks, hip-hop and reggae.

With Paul Arnold at the helm, this monthly at The End began as a stunning showcase of breaks and has developed into a cacophony of all things electronic - namely techno, tech house and electro with a fair bit of genre-bending going on.

If you like your tuneage to kick like a mule; tough beats and a bang up for it crowd, Chew The Fat is inevitably where you'll end up one of these Fridays.

Tonight is their 11th birthday, and what better way to celebrate than by commissioning the likes of Duke Dumont, Micky Slim and The Rogue Element for a balls-to-the-wall electronic hoedown.

Strange things are afoot at auto-italia this month. Strange things, indeed.

By the looks of things there's a strange kind of project taking place that involves collaboration between artist Rachel Pimm and various local Peckham communities.

It's all about working together and celebrating both diversity and co-operation within a specific geographical locale: there's a request for a street party, some trompe l'oeil billboards and an investigation into the meaning of local place names.

It's time again for leading electronica and dubstep label Planet Mu to show off its perennially fine roster.

Mu acts to look forward to are too numerous to mention, but we should mention that their friends at the new Tippex label are contributing a small showcase. That includes Remano Eszildn, RL/VL and Carl Brown.

Nail The Cross is a new multi-venue event for New Cross, put together by the folks at Adventures In The Beetroot Field and No Pain In Pop.

With confirmed acts including These New Puritans, Archie Bronson Outfit, Benga, Afrikan Boy and a special Domino records anniversary showcase, this is one not to be missed!

Rhythmatic launched exactly a year ago - and during the last 365 days they've stormed ahead in their quest to provide quality house music to the punters of some of London's most esteemed clubs.

Residents Silky and Stathis Lazarides lead a stand-out array of guests tonight, all committed to lashing you with their finest house, techno and electro.

Happy Birthday Rhythmatic.

Kerri Godliman brings her new show This Is Not What I was Expecting (based on a disappointing meal from the Little Chef) to Leicester Square's Big Joke Festival.

Expect chatty, observational material on posh sat nav voices, Facebook, advert disclaimers, and her recent pregnancy.

Furthur Project Recordings deal in techno and tech house. The protagonists and your hosts for the evening - Ignorant Fairy and Strutt - are two techno overlords who can be relied on to make you move.

They're joined tonight by the simply excellent Erskine (Minimal Mayhem), 4D - a collaboration between Excession and James Monro - and Greek Producer George Delkos.

The esteemed Magic Lantern take care of the visuals.

Hungamunga presents a mammoth session of drawing, chopping and colouring in today at the Bethnal Green Working Men's Club, and they've even managed to conjure up one of the best twee indie line ups we've seen in ages.

Concrete and Glass eh? It'd sure be pretty tough to build a city without those two little babies. To celebrate the East in all its ostensibly gritty glory, Concrete and Glass is a two-day festival of live music and arty happenings taking place across 18 music venues, a load of galleries and over 30 'alternative sites' - i.e. disused shops, warehouses and the like.

Although the East does seem to spend a lot of time celebrating itself these days, this actually looks good. The art's all organised by Flora Fairbairn and people like Mark Neville, Tony Gill, Gavin Turk, Chosil Kil and Liliane Lijn are all involved. So that's cool.

It's here at last! After a few delays, the feverishly anticipated Saatchi Gallery lands in Sloane Square with a major exhibition of contemporary Chinese art.

China is clearly the hot place right now, and although the delay in the opening of the gallery means that (for once) Saatchi is a wee bit behind the curve, you can pretty much guarantee that he's made up for it in terms of quality and scale.

There's work across a variety of media by thirty of the country's leading contemporary artists. Expect this show to have an influence on the London art scene comparable to that of the Fall of Constantinople upon the Renaissance.

This brilliant neo-rave night always brings out the beast in the crowd and the DJs thanks to the full-on music policy, a mix of acid and rave revival on the one hand, and modern breakcore and other mad electronic stuff on the other.

Often able to attract the big names of yesteryear, this time it's Billy Nasty and Normski representing the old school. To today's sunglass-toting euro-minimal crew, it probably seems ridiculous to obsess over early jungle and wear a day-glo builder's jacket, but the thing about these guys is that they don't care.

To ease the pain of those who didn't make to Ibiza this year, DC10 and Circo Loco have joined forces to throw a London party at an as yet undisclosed location.

RPR Soundsystem - three Romanian DJs hailed as minimal techno's messiahs - and known individually as Raresh, Pedro and Rhadoo are residents at DC10 and in to spin at tonights special event.

They're joined by chief brain eating zombie Shane Watcha for what promises to be a hefty slice of minimal techno.

Don't expect Jim Jeffries to have turned over any leaves in his new show Hammered.  Rape, disabled people, Christians, fatties and burns victims all get good coverage, not to mention that famous run-in with Kelly Osbourne at the NME Awards (if you haven't already heard the story it's worth coming just to hear that alone).

As always there are particularly brutal parts that might leave you cringing or holding your head in your hands but his aim is to say it like it is no matter how many people it offends and if you're at one of his shows you probably already know that.  It's not all devil-may-care rants though, he occasionally opens up about his personal life and his bleak outlook on love which hints of a much deeper Jeffries than the one we usually see.

Quite literally cannot decide whether this is going to be brilliant or awful. But we're definitely going to see it.

On the one hand, Ontroerend Goed are one of the most exciting, interactive theatre companies around. They stage shows that grip the audience and manhandles it: quite literally in the case of their one-on-one wheelchair odyssey The Smile Off Your Face. Everything they do is interesting, visceral and redefines dramatic staging. On the other hand, this show is all about teenagers.

Once And For All... features 13 teenage actors playing out a number of typical teenage situations. So, they fight, commit vandalism, insult the audience, go to a party, and snog. The play has been praised to the skies for its uneasy but stimulating blend of voyeurism, compassion and truth. It does sound a bit like a feature length Skins, though, doesn't it?

What's up darling? Dizzee is playing the Forum tonight, so fix up and look sharp, get away from the bar, tell your boyfriend hold your jar and dance with me.

Nope, we never really know what he's on about either, but he's Britain's best rapper. And though he doesn't really have too much competition, it's always good to be the best

Shane MacGowan and the rest of the legendary Irish folk-punks play their now traditional Christmas dates at Brixton Academy, which have been selling out since 2001.

All the favourites are sure to feature, and 'Fairytale of New York' always goes down well with the Brixton audience